Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Beautiful People

I have always been intrigued by beautiful people. More so, beautiful people that seem to be oblivious of their own beauty. You know, those people that walk through life and think that they are just regulars, but they clearly have an edge over the rest of us common folk. I am pretty girl, but I have to incessantly tell myself that I am beautiful. I've had to stand in my mirror and affirm 100 times and three times a day that I am beautiful despite...and/or because of..... These people,however, seem to take it for granted( if they even know at all). It's like they are engaging in some type of quiet rebellion. Are they making a statement? Their actions seem not to be actions at all. They ease through life with such a fluidity that it is a joy and sometimes a pain to watch. Every move is an abstraction waiting to be explained in layman's terms. There is nothing tangible about the allure of that person. Even the most loquacious prose fails to capture the essence of that beauty.

It suffices to say that I find this to be an inexplicable phenomenon. Every time that I see a woman that is effortlessly gorgeous I think of Cover Girl. I sing in my head Easy. Breezy. Beautiful. Cover Girl. I suppose, that's I what the ad people were thinking when they created that slogan. It truly invokes the image of uncomplicated perfection. The connotation of those words could not possibly work any better.

It's almost with shame that I admit that I often feel a need to announce, re- announce, and reaffirm my beauty at all costs. Even while engaging in casual conversation, I've been known to respond to questions of audacity with a curt " because I'm cute" daring someone to counter that claim. And yup, I am one of those annoying people that takes every opportunity to stare at my own reflection. My inability to pass store windows, drink from glasses, or walk pass a shiny car without checking myself out has led people to view me as somewhat vain. I even seek out at my own shadow to gauge whether my hair/weave/wig (depending on the day) and sometimes my body are symmetrical. It's not vanity, though, it's the compulsory need to self edit.

One day, I'd love to know what it feels like to just go about my day and not worry about whether everything is 100 or not. To be able to just go and know that "I'm good" is an idea that is so far fetched it seems impossible.

Please comment if you have ever felt like I do or even if you haven't. Are you a beautiful person? Maybe you have observed how these people operate. lol


Licklemslady said...

About this topic I feel like I share your affliction, but I also feel like God blessed me with a lil extra sumtin. Like u I endulge in my reflection often, in these moments my mindset is " I know someone is watching me with admiration and or intrigue right now" cause most often I catch someone who didn't want to be found out. Still, I can pick myself apart with the best of them. In my own deffense( giving myself credit for the self improvement progress that I have made) I mostly pick apart my character, not so much my looks. As far as my looks go, unless I'm ready n willing to actually work on it I simply live with it