Sunday, November 9, 2008

It's Sunday...Post Secrets

This may make me a loser, but the only reason that I venture to wake up early on a Sunday morning is to see the PostSecrets. Well, there is also Meet the Press. But mostly PostSecrets. If you don't know about the PostSecrets you need to get familiar.

This one in particular touched me in a way that almost brought me to tears. "We accept the love we think we deserve." Talk about a truism. From childhood, we are taught by the manner in which we are nurtured how live is displayed. It absorbs into our subconscious. Andtada . We seek out that which we thing love is. If at a young age you are taught, as my mom would say, " don't take any wooden nickles"; then when seeking out relationships then you likely refused to take any shorts. This included familial relationships, friendships, professional relationships, and of course romantic relationships. Your youth set the stage in determining what you think you deserve.

Parents that give their children everything (material) have raised person that sees love in terms of possessions. Parents that are withholding in all arenas seek out relationships that are withholding in all arenas. That is what they were taught about love. Despite the wealth of self-help gurus that are out and about writing books, there is no hard and fast rulebook that dictates how we should be loved or how we should express love. With anything you learn from experiences.

I grew up in a household where there was nothing but chaos. All day, everyday there was nothing but yelling and pure verbal and mental abuse. The only representation that I saw of a "loving" relationship was of a woman that was belittled and submissive and of a man that was mean spirited and arrogant. Even when dealing with me as a young child, there was only criticism and disappointment. Then there was me having to keep it together. My role as a child was the crutch I supposed. I was the one that kept things together, the shoulder to cry on and the excuse for the fights.

I knew very well of the childhood's of my mother and my stepfather. By no stretch of the imagination were they pleasant. They bred two very damaged people that really should have taken time to love themselves before they ventured to love anyone else. Definitely before the had kids.

As an adult, I sought out these types of situations. I should say I seek out these types of relationships. I am usually attracted to the damaged women. I'm all captain save a ho. No really. One always knows when they meet someone with issues. There are always at least small signs. In my case, the signs are always blaring. But I seek these women out. I am always attracted to the damages. I need a woman that needs a shoulder, need a support system, needs to be some one's everything.

This was never more apparent than in my last relationship. She was truly damaged. She had a life that I probably would not have lived through. That made me more "in love" with her. That was the way I was being loved. I was being given the love that she wished that she had been given. I was also given the grief that she wish that she could have inflicted in retaliation for what she faced as a kid. So this "love" that I thought I was getting was just a substitution was just residual.It wasn't for me. I knew this and I accepted it ...because it was what I though that I deserved.

If anyone has a similar situation, please comment! If anyone has a differant situation, please comment.


What Women Want said...

I thought I was the only one who was addicted to PS... I actually interviewed the author because I was so inspired by his online community and the "Post Secret Story"

This is a very touching post...


Licklemslady said...

I'm in the process of reading a book "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman and it talks about just what u touched on, how we are taught to love. I haven't figured out what my primary love language is yet but I do know this...I'm finally getting the love I deserve. After my last serious relationship concluded I truely believed I deserved better and sought after it. Just changing my mindset made a world of difference. All of a sudden my options got bettter. I was attracting a different caliber of men, it was hard to decide which on to settle down with.

I say all that to say that your right. When you believe something to be true your mind assembles reasoning to make it so. You deserve better.Believe it.